We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
