So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
