So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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