I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
