curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
