i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
