It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
