So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize