he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
