My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
