are you still at the devil's house?
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
