great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
