Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize