That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
