He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
