I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
