Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
