i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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