That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
