I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
