If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
