I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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