I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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