ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
