I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
