I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize