I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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