We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
