Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
