i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
