Say something about gay babies.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
