non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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