I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
