The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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