I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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