I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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