Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
