why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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