Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
