I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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