I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
