I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
