i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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