It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
