think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize