I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
