Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
