I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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