Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize