Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
