its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
