i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We got so high we made milksteak
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
