We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
