doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
