What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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