The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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