TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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