respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
