You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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