hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
