i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
