Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
