Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
