i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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