Heybabeimwearingurpanties
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
