She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
