You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
