I molested 6 butterflies tonight
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
