you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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