dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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