the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
