dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
