i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
