Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
