I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
