That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
