I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
