dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
