His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
