phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
