dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
