i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize