the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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