He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
