No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize