If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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