Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
