i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
