eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
