my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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