Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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