apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
