And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
