Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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