I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
