i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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