Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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