Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
