She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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